EXCERPTS
From Chapter 2
THE CAMPAIGN
Max mailed the news releases to newspapers across the country. The announcement didn't make the news. Immediately, he began piecing together his campaign theme. Asking questions and answering himself, he wrote:
Q: What is the name of your campaign?
A: The Ugly Beast is destroying America. We must eradicate that beast to save our country.
Q: What is the Ugly Beast?
A: The Ugly Beast is the acutely malfunctioning American economic and political system.
Q: Can you elaborate?
A: Yes. Our government is not anymore “by the people and for the people.” Our government is controlled and manipulated by our corporations. The corporations use lobbyists, the weak and corrupt politicians, and the corporate media to make it happen. Together, those four players have created the Ugly Beast so they can game the system. Do you think they want change? They don't want change! They hate change. Change to them is what soap is to grease: soap dissolves grease. As a result of that snugly foursome's actions, America is falling apart economically, socially, and morally.
Q: What do you call people that resist change at all cost?
A: The Big Boys.
Q: Are you prepared to step on the Big Boys' toes?
A: Yes.
Q: Will you be able to step on their toes?
A: Yes. With the American people behind me.
Q: What will you call people that want change now?
A: Concerned Americans.
Q: How do you finance the campaign?
A: Accept transparent, no strings attached financial contributions: checks, and payments over the Internet.
Q: How do you run the campaign?
A: Over the Internet, travel, meeting Americans.
Q: Do you really believe that you can win this race?
A: Yes.
Q: Why?
A: Because I want to.
Q: Is that enough?
A: Yes. The nightmare scared the hell out of me.
Within days, his website was up. The home page showed a picture of the Ugly Beast. The text underneath read: “ America 's Ugly Beast Reaches Rock Bottom. We must eradicate that beast to save our country.” Next followed links to the Presidential Statement, Policy Issues, Solutions, and Our Vision for the Future.
From Chapter 2
THE CAMPAIGN
In two days, Max completed a thirty-second animated cartoon video. It showed him tiny, wielding a big stick and riding the huge, bucking monster. The clip ended with the mad creature throwing him off. The tiny man jumped back to his feet, scraped off mud, grabbed his stick and planted himself defiantly in front of the Ugly Beast. He screamed: “This isn't over. I'm going to get you . . . pal!” And the little man limped away.
At 7:30 a.m. , Max answered his phone.
“King Max's campaign office.”
“This is John Humm of the Daily Journal.”
“Good morning Mr. Humm. This is King Max; call me Max. How may I help you?”
“Max, we received your news release.”
“I'm glad to hear that. I was afraid the post office failed me.”
“Are you for real?”
“I'm as real as the news release.”
“Come on. You can't be serious?”
“I'm as serious as global warming.”
“One of my colleagues heard people talk about you on some radio talk show.”
“It's about time.”
“They joked about you.”
“That's just great. I hope the jokes were funny.”
“They debated if you were already in the nuthouse, or if you shortly
would be admitted to one.”
“Debates are good. Wars are bad.”
“What party affiliation do you have?”
“The ones that are fun, feature lots of pretty and intelligent women, last all night, and leave you with no hangover the next morning.”
“So, you're a comedian?”
“Life is a comedy and then you die.”
“Can you be serious?”
“I'm serious unless I'm joking.”
“So, you are a comedian?”
“I'm comic, but does that make me a comedian?”
“You're a comedian, and you also want to be president?”
“Yes. But president first, comedian second.”
“Did you crack your head when the Ugly Beast threw you off its back in that YouTube video of yours?”
“I'm pleased to hear that the video got attention.”
“Let me put it this way. You sound as if the throw cracked your skull. Has it?”
“If it has, I wouldn't know. I feel great.”
“Would you have lunch with me, Max?”
“Are you serious?”
“I'm as serious as one whose skull is cracked.”
“Then, let's have lunch.”
The two had lunch. The newspaperman gave Max a good write-up and he became his second supporter after Maggie. Mr. Humm ended the article with “Well, Mr. Max, the man who wants to be president first and a comedian second, turned out to be a complete surprise. He may not be a politician, but his savvy, it seems to me, is worth more than all the politicking of the current politicians. Mr. Max is a small fellow. Yet he claims that he's not small enough to fit into anyone's pocket. Though small in stature, his voice is big and roaring. I certainly heard his cry for action. He said that he's not a magician and that he has no tricks up his sleeve. That may be so. But after we first met, I felt as if I had awaked to a glorious, new beginning—it almost made me forget our current bully government.”
At a street corner in Encino, a gathering of people asked Max questions.
Q: What do you think of the war in Iraq ?
MAX: Deception and manipulation got us into it. The Big Boys love it. The American people want out of it. The Congress has their heads buried in dirt. And people like you and me are left holding the bag.
From Chapter 9
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY
The room was silent.
“And just like Zack,” Max continued, “I kept thinking about the comment. Later that day, on my way home from work, an appropriate reply to that wealthy individual suddenly popped into my mind. I would have said: ‘I agree with you, Mr. Rich Guy, it's not a crime to be poor, but it ought to be considered a crime to be rich and not help the poor!' Well, ladies and gentleman, would you, could you share my answer to Mr. Rich Guy?”
One could hear a needle drop in the room.
“ Rich Man, Poor Man ,” Max continued, “was the title of a bestselling book, and it also was a hugely successful motion picture. Rich people and poor people have been living next to each other for as long as our civilization has existed. I'm certain that I don't have to bring it to your attention what the situation is in this country when we talk about rich people and poor people. I also believe that all of you know what rich people, in general, think of poor people, and what poor people, in general, think about rich people. Our opinions might begin to grow apart when we start talking about the ifs, if anything needs to be done to possibly shift some of our fabulous wealth to the working class and the poor. And our opinions might even grow apart further when we begin discussing the hows, how we possibly can achieve such a shift. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to believe that we all have come together here this week not to discuss the ifs or maybes, but that we are here to talk about the whens , the hows, the how muchs, and the by whens.”
Max then repeated some of the numbers and statistics previous speakers had pointed out.
“I remind you, ladies and gentlemen, these are not my words and numbers, these are the words, numbers, and statistics presented to you by members of your industry. Let me remind you of your own observations and concerns about trends in the banking and financial markets. I'm referring to the looming problems with the lending practices of the credit card industry, your fears about our country's staggering increase in foreign debts, the spiraling out of control imbalance of trade, and the complete absence of a plan for paying down our mind-boggling national debt.
“Even America, at some point, has to stop living beyond its means. In my opinion, we have reached that point now. We must change or our nation will perish as a viable economic global force.
“The office of the Secretary of the Treasury has completed its report on the health and current state of our banking and finance industry. Ladies and gentlemen, the picture is troubling, no, it's sickening!
